{All entries listed here are sic erat scriptum. Things nested within curly brackets are notes from the editor.}

[begin_reports]

[e1-r001]

I time travelled to 1923 Chicago, found a hotel, and woke up without my testicles.

[e1-r002]

It was a warm summer night when I decided to take a stroll through the park. I was enjoying the peacefulness of the evening when I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my groin. I doubled over in agony, clutching my crotch. When I looked up, I saw a shadowy figure running away. I realized that my testicles had been stolen! I was in shock as I staggered home, clutching my bloody crotch. I couldn't believe that someone had stolen my testicles! I was in pain and angry, and I vowed to find the person who did this to me.

[e1-r003]

Some men have all the luck /// While others have their balls ripped /// The latter, quite unlucky

[e1-r004]

Last night, I was viciously attacked and my testicles were stolen. I awoke in a pool of my own blood, screaming in agony. I could see the silhouette of a figure running away in the distance. I was rushed to the hospital where doctors fought to save my life. But it was too late. My testicles were gone and there was nothing they could do.

[e1-r005]

A madman is on the loose, and he's stealing testicles! He believes that by using them in nuclear weapons, he can create the ultimate weapon of mass destruction. The authorities are in a frantic race to stop him before he can do any more damage. They finally catch up to him as he's about to make his escape with a sack full of testicles. He's quickly arrested and put away for a very long time.

[e1-r006]

It was just another day at the dentist for Bob. He went in, got his teeth cleaned, and chatted with the hygienist for a bit. He didn't think anything was out of the ordinary until he got up to leave and realized his testicles were missing! Bob freaked out and searched the office, but they were nowhere to be found. He asked the staff if anyone had seen them, but no one had any idea what happened to them. Bob was so embarrassed that he never returned to that dentist again. To this day, he still has no idea what happened to his testicles...

[e1-r007]

“Serial Ball-snatcher Steals Testicles to Use in Nuclear Weapons”

[e1-r008]

When Johnson found out that his insurance wouldn't cover the experimental surgery he needed, he was desperate. He had tried everything else and this was his last hope. He heard about a black market for organs on the internet and decided to sell his testicles. He figured that they were of no use to him anyway and he could make a quick buck off of them. He found a buyer who was willing to pay $5,000 for the pair and made the sale. He was relieved to have the money for his surgery and went under the knife the following week. All went well and Johnson was happy to have found a solution to his problem. That is until he started to experience some strange side effects from the surgery. Within a few weeks, he began to grow breasts and his voice started to change. He soon realized that the person who bought his testicles had injected them with hormones in order to turn him into a woman. Johnson was horrified at what had happened but couldn't do anything about it. He was now stuck living as a woman for the rest of his life.

[e1-r009]

Rick was a down on his luck man who was desperate for money. He had no job and no prospects. His family was struggling to make ends meet. In a last ditch effort to save his family, Rick sold his testicles. He went to a black market doctor who removed them without anesthesia. The pain was unbearable, but Rick knew he had to do what he could to help his family. He was released from the hospital a few days later with no testicles and a large sum of money. Rick's wife was relieved that they would finally be able to make ends meet. However, Rick began to experience phantom pains in his groin area. The pain was so intense that he couldn't sleep or work. It got so bad that he eventually committed suicide. His family was devastated by his death, but at least they were financially stable.

[e1-r010]

Late one night, while lying in bed, I heard a noise coming from downstairs. I got out of bed to investigate and saw a figure creeping around in the darkness. I was sure that someone was trying to steal my testicles! I ran downstairs and confronted the intruder, but it turned out to be just a shadow. I was relieved, but also paranoid that someone might still be after my testicles. I decided to sleep with a baseball bat beside my balls just in case.

[e1-r011]

if I get my nuts ripped off and end up with only half of them, I’ll have to cut in half every thing I ever built, rip it down and rebuild the whole world. How do you expect me to do

[e1-r012]

I was using my chronocell and overheard this bizarre converstaion: "Why are you stealing my testicles? Because they were stuck on your ear and they don't have any chance of growing, I mean you should know this if you're so great." And I start punching him and then his buddies rush in, pull me off and start beating me."

[e1-r013]

{This entry was mailed from a nurse who works at Cainhurst Mental. Unknown whether it's from them or a transcription from a patient. Probably the latter, hopefully.}

"Who stole my testicles? Is that a conspiracy of crows outside my window?" "You never really knew what it was like, having all your body parts and extremities being threatened by theft. How you looked at everything suspiciously." "Are we still talking about pep pills or were we speaking metaphorically?" Gently lifts his own hips, making it clear where the true strength lies. I wonder if you think the sky is blue. Or maybe you've become more adept at hearing voices from out there in space, what the things have to say about us and why they hate us so much for no good reason, that dreadful exhaustion rising through their words like fine wire: The ground was littered with dead sheep and ruined graves.... We couldn't reach them to stop them... there's a gap between life and death now—if there ever was one—between language and what cannot be said—where nothing will ever heal. You want to listen, even as it kills you

[end_reports]